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Posts Tagged ‘The Other Side’

life

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November 18. Today would be Ankit’s 21st Birthday. Happy Birthday Ankit!!! All your friends are here, Ankit. They brought this beautiful cake and we all celebrated your Birthday. This is the second year that you are not with us on your Birthday. Memories are what we are left with now. Memories. And we have wonderful memories of his Birthday, of the time gone-by. Time, we wish, we can bring back somehow or the other. Time, we will give our lives for. Time, which we hold dearly to us. Time, more precious than anything else in the world. Memories. That’s all we have now.

 

Ankit's Birthday Cake

Ankit's Birthday Cake

 

I read the following poem online and your smiling face flashed across my eyes.

“I give you this one thought to keep –
I am with you still – I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still in each new dawn.”

– Traditional Native American Prayer

Happy Birthday Ankit!!!

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November 07. The day that changed it all, forever. The day that turned our world upside-down. Today is the day. Today is the day Ankit left home in the morning, never to come back. Today is the day Ankit left us forever. He was so happy when he left home. His smiling face…….

It seems like yesterday.

It seems like yesterday that Ankit was born. The cute smiling face, the tiny hands; so adorable that you can’t take your eyes off of him. It still brings a grin to our faces. We remember it all. Living in a moment. A moment gone by, but etched in our minds for eternity.  The moments, the voice, the smile, the tears, nothing has been lost. It seems like yesterday.

 

Ankit Chhibber

Ankit Chhibber

 

It seems like yesterday. Ankit taking his first step, speaking his first word, writing for the first time and we look at his cute face in awe as if he has done something no one else has done in this universe. Living in a moment? The moments we will give our lives for.

 

Ankit Chhibber

Ankit at his home in Chandigarh, India

 

Ankit Chhibber

Ankit: All dressed up to go to School for the first time

 

It seems like yesterday. Ankit is going to school for the first time. How happy I was driving him to school. Ankit is so happy, all dressed up. I saw it all. Ankit receiving the medal for being an Honours students; Ankit at his Grade-8 Graduation; Ankit playing Saxophone at his school concert; Ankit receiving the Medal for Science Olympics; Ankit receiving the MVP Award for Cricket at his school; Ankit receiving the certificate for being Ontario Scholar; Ankit at Grade 12 Graduation; Ankit going to University. I have seen it all. Almost everything.

 

Ankit Chhibber: Grade 8 Graduation

Ankit: Grade 8 Graduation

 

Ankit: Grade 12 Graduation

Ankit: Grade 12 Graduation

 

Minutes, hours, days… time flies but his naughty smile, his grinning face is still the same as we saw it the first time. “Don’t worry Dad” was his favourite answer whenever I would ask him something. “Don’t worry!!!” and he has left nothing behind for us to worry about.

 

Ankit at Taj Mahal

Ankit at Taj Mahal

 

The moments. They never leave you. You never let them go. You live those moments all your life. The moments gone by. You can’t live in moments gone by, but you can’t live without them as well.

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October 31st. Today is my wife’s Birthday. Today is also the day when it all started. Today is the day that wreaked havoc in our lives.

It is the day when our son, Ankit, met with an accident, sustained life-threatening injuries and passed away seven days later. The day, my wife dreads, and wishes hadn’t come.

I still hear my wife frantically knocking on the door. I still hear her shrieking, cracking and trembling voice. Those voices have followed me ever since. But those voices don’t scare me anymore. Nothing scares me anymore. Those hysterical voices; they are part of me, my life now. My wife stills shrieks and cries hysterically. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, in the world that I can do to stop that. Her tears haven’t dried up until now and I don’t know if they ever will.

My wife hasn’t stopped crying since that fateful day. She can’t sleep. The pills don’t help her anymore. Life is one hell of a journey. Nothing hurts anymore. We are at our wit’s end trying to figure out the life we have now and what to do with it. You need to have the desire; the will in you to climb out of the hole which life has put you in. My wife simply has none. She is a caricature of herself now. No will, no desire, nothing. Just dragging her life, counting her days.

Life! What a transformation! Slowly but surely, slipping away as sand through your fingers, beyond comprehension as to why it has to be so cruel?

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