Posts Tagged ‘Car crash’

It seems like yesterday, yet it has been three years today.

We remember it all. It is all there. Only, Ankit is not. How we wish, we can see him one more time; speak to him one more time; hug him one more time. One more time…

Only, if wishes were the horses…

We try to keep our poise, yet tears roll down our eyes.

We think of the years gone by. Years when we were all together. Years that made us smile. Years that made us laugh. Years that he made memorable.

Ankit’s memories. Him crying at the end of the school day thinking that he has lost his younger brother when he looked all over the place and could not find him; Him smiling and asking her mom why she is not as tall as him; Him telling me that instead of thinking too much, I should just do it; Him consoling me at the passing away of my parents and telling me that one day we all will be together; Him in a heated argument with someone and then a few hours later making plans for a movie with the same person like nothing has happened. Always smiling. Always caring. Always there. For everyone.

Ankit makes us cry and laugh at the same time.

Three long years, this day we said goodbye to Ankit for one last time.

Or did we?

For, he never really left us. Never.  You may not be here Ankit, but you are always with us.

In our thoughts. In our hearts.


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Living in the moment

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November 18. Today would be Ankit’s 22nd Birthday. Happy Birthday Ankit!!! All your friends are here to celebrate your Birthday. They celebrate it the way you started it all; smearing the face of B’day person with birthday cake. A day to celebrate and a day to reminiscence. We remember it all, with love in our hearts and tears in our eyes. We remember it all. I remember asking you about your plans for your 20th Birthday. And those words are etched in my memory forever, for that was also the last time when you left home never to come back. It hurts beyond words. We haven’t seen your smile ever since, but your smile has never really left us. We haven’t talked ever since, but we talk to you all the time now. You are not here, yet you are everywhere.

Memories. Memories are what we have now. Memories of happy times. Memories of times, life was so much fun. Seems like yesterday.



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Two years. It is going to be two years, today, when it all happened. It has been two years since Ankit left us. Those terrible moments are etched in our minds forever, like a bad dream. Our worst nightmare. We don’t want to re-live those moments but we can’t forget them either. They are an integral part of us now. In fact, those moments define us now. What we are and what we aren’t. We wish we had a time machine, somehow or the other we could turn the hands of the clock back. We pray and hope, as my wife does, that Ankit will come back. We do whatever we can. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that help. The hope, the wishes, the prayers… And nothing helps. Nothing, whatsoever.

We are still trying to make sense out of it. It has such a profound effect on us, instilled so much fear in us that we have still not gathered courage to call one of our distant relatives who also lost their only son under such tragic circumstances. As much as we wish, we haven’t been able to pick up the phone, call them and offer our condolences. The very thought of calling them makes my wife hysterical. The trauma is unimaginable.  Those moments have taken their toll on the lives of us all.

Ankit in his Benz

The moments which changed our lives forever…… The moments we will never come to terms with. The moments gone by. You can’t live in moments gone by, but you can’t live without them either.

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Death of a Dream



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November 18. Today would be Ankit’s 21st Birthday. Happy Birthday Ankit!!! All your friends are here, Ankit. They brought this beautiful cake and we all celebrated your Birthday. This is the second year that you are not with us on your Birthday. Memories are what we are left with now. Memories. And we have wonderful memories of his Birthday, of the time gone-by. Time, we wish, we can bring back somehow or the other. Time, we will give our lives for. Time, which we hold dearly to us. Time, more precious than anything else in the world. Memories. That’s all we have now.


Ankit's Birthday Cake

Ankit's Birthday Cake


I read the following poem online and your smiling face flashed across my eyes.

“I give you this one thought to keep –
I am with you still – I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone –
I am with you still in each new dawn.”

– Traditional Native American Prayer

Happy Birthday Ankit!!!

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